


Related by Destiny - Reprise

by celedan



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Episode: Related by Destiny, F/F, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Translation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24232009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celedan/pseuds/celedan
Summary: After Haruka decides to accept her destiny as a Sailor Senshi, she and Michiru have to fight their growing feelings for each other since feeling like that only threatens to interfere with their mission. It takes a huge sacrifice in their fight for the talismans to realise that their feelings only make them stronger, not weaker.
Relationships: Kaiou Michiru/Tenoh Haruka
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	Related by Destiny - Reprise

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Erste Begegnung - Reprise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19417666) by [celedan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/celedan/pseuds/celedan). 



“I'm sorry. I never wanted to tell you. Please forget it!”

I wrenched my gaze away from her big, tearful eyes, and looked over my shoulder at where the transformation stick lay on the floor.

Suddenly, a terrifying clarity descended over me that I could not explain to myself. I didn't want to run away anymore – be it from any unpleasant responsibilities or from my own life, which I didn't really know what to do with. Right this moment, I had never been so sure of anything in my life.

I released the girl in my arms cautiously, got up, and walked slowly back to the stick, my eyes fixed on it as if it were a mesmerizing snake that hypnotised me, and could strike at any given moment.

Still cautiously, I crouched down in front of it, and stared at the strange thing for a while, but then reached for it without responding to Michira's shocked breath.

If someone later asked me what it was that made me take up that stick that was supposed to seal my fate... It was the longing in her eyes, the pleading look that she gave me despite her brave warning to me to please forget all of this just to spare me a fate in suffering and fighting, although she didn't seem to want anything more than to be able to fight evil together with me of all people.

When my fingers touched the cool, metal-like material, suddenly, a tremendous force spread from my fingertips through my whole body. The energy was mighty, almost breathtaking, as if I was standing under a gush of ice-cold water, but at the same time, it was warm and friendly. It gave me strength, and at the same time protected me. Pleasant light enveloped me, and changed something in me...

The feeling of the warm, protective power did not disappear when I felt my normal clothes covering my body again, but still circulated through my veins in a steady, calming hum. I wasn't even sure if it would ever go away completely. I would probably get used to it over time and accept it as part of me. I probably had to.

Michira's painful gasp made me turn around again. I quickly put the transformation stick in my pocket and hurried to her. Her sailor uniform was gone, instead she was wearing her school uniform again... red blood was already seeping through her white blouse in a sharp, stomach-turning contrast.

“I'll take you to a hospital.” I put my arms around her as she tried to get up.

“No!” Her outcry was almost panicked. She looked at me pleadingly while still clinging to me as if for dear life. “They would only ask unnecessary questions. Please, just let me go.” 

“No way,” it was me now protesting vehemently. “At least let me take you home.” As if I'd let her go home alone, hurt like that just because she had wanted to protect me! The least I could do for her was take care of her. 

“My car's not far. Do you think you will manage it there?”

“Yes. I'll be fine.”

I really doubted that, but nonetheless carefully put my arm around her waist to give the impression of simply strolling over the course arm in arm.

After a short detour to my locker to get my jacket with my car keys in it, I was relieved to get to my car where I gently maneuvered her into the passenger seat. How I was supposed to get the blood out of the upholstery later was of no importance to me at that moment.

The drive to her flat was a silent affair – aside from her sporadically giving directions – that I would have liked to break, but I couldn't think of anything to talk to her about. Somehow, I was reluctant to talk about our mission. It seemed too early for that. I had to get used to the fact that suddenly, I was supposed to be a Sailor warrior who had to protect the world or whatever. I had no real idea of my future tasks even if my dreams had given me a scary impression recently.

I glanced sideways at my passenger. How long had she been a warrior? The whole thing frightened me a lot, but at least I had her by my side, but Michiru had to go through all of this alone. And for that, she deserved my utmost respect.

I stubbornly stared straight ahead onto the street. I would do my best to be a worthy partner. I would not have been able to bear disappointing her, but I also wanted to alleviate the sacrifice she had made so far by contributing my part to the fight.

“Turn right here,” she directed me again softly.

We finally came to a stop in front of a large, luxurious residential complex where, miracles of miracles, I also found a parking space. I helped her get out and we entered the skyscraper.

We were still silent in the elevator which is why the sudden, though expected and unnaturally loud “ping” of the elevator when we stopped made me flinch violently. We slowly crossed the corridor until we stopped in front of one of the doors. With her face contorted in pain and her teeth clenched, she took the key out of her pocket.

I followed her, suddenly undecided, unwilling to let go of her for a second until she was safely seated in a chair. Even taking off our shoes could wait.

For a fleeting moment, I glanced curiously through the flat, and found that I liked what I saw. The magnificent piano that stood at the other end of the living room immediately caught my eye. But I quickly pushed aside the longing for this beautiful instrument. After all, Michir's injuries were more important. Maybe she would agree to play with me one day. But I quickly pushed these thought aside and concentrated on crossing the room with her.

Relieved, she sank into one of the dining table chairs in the living room. Her whole body trembled with exertion and pain.

“I should still take you to the hospital,” I tried again, but she shook her head vigorously.

“Please, just leave me,” she whispered.

I sighed and let my shoulders sag. Boy, this girl was stubborn!

“Okay, where do you keep your first aid kit?”

“In the bathroom, down the hall, left side," she replied curtly, and I could hear the pain in her voice. I felt so sorry for her...

I stared down at her for a moment, but then forced myself to act, and go to the bathroom to find some bandages. I found the kit in a cupboard under the sink. The little case was dust-free, quite different from my own first aid kit. It suddenly made me sad that she seemed to have to use it more often.

When I returned to the living room, she was still sitting motionless at the table, her hands clenched in her lap to suppress her pain.

“You... um, you have to take off your blouse, otherwise I can't reach the scratches on your back,” I stammered, surprised at my own sudden embarrassment. I've never had a problem talking to women before. I had always been very confident about that, especially when it came to flirting with a beautiful woman who was supposed to undress in front of me, but now... Michiru was, after all, very different from any other woman I had met so far. None had her class...

Michiru didn't look at me but nodded. Slowly and with trembling fingers, she began to unbutton her blouse. I quickly leaned over to help her. The white fabric was so soaked with blood that it stuck to the bloody wounds on her back, so I had to slowly remove it from her skin millimetre by millimetre. I also had to be very careful with her injured arm while I peeled her out of the garment. She braced her teeth bravely and made no sound although it had to hurt like hell. I carelessly dropped the white blouse to the floor because it was ruined anyway. Even I finally knew how badly blood stains came out of clothes.

Taking a deep breath, I pulled up a chair and sat down next to her, her arm gently resting on my thighs. The blood didn't bother me, but I had never given first aid. I would still have been able to reanimate someone, but of course, I was not very familiar with patching up such wounds.

I gently dabbed at the deep scratches with iodine, but even now there was no sound of pain even though she was trembling violently, and sweat broke out all over her body. I looked up briefly from my work and into her face. She had turned her eyes away from me, and I could see that she was gritting her teeth. If she wanted to be brave and didn't want to show me her weakness – or what she apparently thought this was –, it was her business.

My eyes flicked back to my actual job for a moment, but then, I couldn't help looking at her. Despite all the differences and our admittedly poor start – not to mention her impressive stubbornness –, she was a breathtakingly beautiful woman, and I was ashamed to stare at her body so uninhibitedly when she was injured and trusted in my help. But I just couldn't help it. I could not imagine anyone who would not have wanted her and would not have succumbed to her beauty. Under lowered lids and under the cover of continuing my work, I let my eyes roam over her half-naked torso. She was slim, not skinny like many girls wanted to be today to keep up with any anorexic models. Her long, slender arms were delicate and fragile, like a doll's, but I could sense the strength in them – the arms of a competitive swimmer. Her skin was fair, but was currently looking sickly pale from the pain and shock, and a fine film of cold sweat covered her entire body. I glanced over the gentle curves of her hips, her slim waist, and her soft, shapely breasts. She was just... perfect...

In the meantime, I had been working on her arm for so long that it was slowly becoming unbelievable. I quickly returned my full attention to her injuries, and carefully bandaged them. By now, my cheeks had to be blazing red.

Then I moved the chair behind her to take care of her back. The wounds there were a lot bigger and deeper than those on her arm. A shiver ran through me, and for a brief moment, I felt nausea. The deep scratches stretched all over her back, and for a moment, I wondered how I should bandage such extensive injuries. I would have to bandage her entire torso.

Then another problem opened up for me. When she had transformed back, her sailor uniform had been torn from the monster's teeth, but her normal clothes had remained intact. Now, her bra stretched over the wounds. Blood had seeped through the light blue fabric and coloured it as red as her blouse. I touched one of the straps. “I have to...” The words got stuck in my throat.

“Yes, okay,” she replied softly.

With trembling fingers I opened the clasp and completely exposed the scratches. I gently pushed the straps off her shoulders, and she dropped the lingerie piece all the way to the floor. She took a few deep breaths, then carefully folded her arms over her breasts. I wondered if the whole situation was as uncomfortable to her as it was for me although it didn't have to be. After all, we were both women even though we had felt this special connection to each other from the very first moment which I was only now beginning to admit to myself.

I quickly slipped out of my denim jacket, and handed it to her. She took it without a word, and pressed it to her chest.

With all my might, I pushed everything and what it could mean to the back of my mind to treat Michiru's injuries again.

When I also dapped these wounds with iodine, she suddenly cried out in pain, unable to suppress her suffering any longer.

“I am sorry.”

“No, it's not your fault,” she said tightly.

“I hope it all heals without leaving any scars.” On the one hand, I really meant it, it frightened me to think seeing her body scarred, on the other hand, I wanted to get her to talk. Maybe that distracted her from the pain.

“We Sailor warriors heal quickly.” She bowed her head. “I hope you won't have to experience it for yourself too soon.”

Oh yeah, that. I hadn't thought of that anymore. Above all, that was something I definitely didn't want to think about anytime soon. But I would probably have no other choice, whether I wanted it or not. Hadn't I made up my mind not to run away anymore? Maybe then, I should start to face up to my responsibility.

“I'll take care of myself,” I promised, adding after a short pause. “We'll take care of each other from now on, won't we?”

She looked at me over her shoulder in surprise, her turquoise eyes wide open. I tried to smile encouragingly. Apparently, she still couldn't believe that we would really be partners from now on even though she had earlier witnessed how I took the transformation stick and thus accepted my fate. It made me sad to see how little confidence she apparently had in people. The whispered comments of some guests during the concert on the cruise ship echoed in my head that Michiru had no friends.

I wasn't sure how to rate them. Had she always been such a closed off and reserved girl? Or did she only isolate herself from the world since she woke up as a Sailor warrior because she believed that because of her calling, she could no longer allow closeness?

In the end, it didn't matter what happened, I wanted to make sure that she was alive, being able to laugh again and enjoy the beauties of this world. I would like to help her with that.

I finally put the bandages aside – I had decided not to bandage the wounds on her back, just to stick a few large plasters over them since the bleeding had already stopped –, and got up to get her a glass of water.

She looked up at me in surprise when I held out the glass of water. “Here, drink that,” I ordered. “I put a painkiller in it.”

Wide-open, astonished-looking eyes met mine, so that for a moment, I couldn't move under her gaze.

At that moment, she seemed to me more human than ever before, no longer the dutiful, brave, cold girl who everyone claimed to be arrogant and insensitive, and therefore had no friends. How wrong they all were about her! How wrong I was about her! I only really became aware of it now. In fact, she was warm, kind, and loving. People only saw arrogance in her detachment, but I realized that it was insecurity and the desire for peace in which no one could hurt her, but in which she was lonely. At that moment, I swore again and more fervently than before to change that. I wanted to see this gifted young woman laugh, I wanted to see how she also showed her kindness to the world which she was only now gradually revealing to me.

If it hadn't made such a strange impression, I would have shaken my head in amusement. It seemed I was willing to do a lot to make Michiru happy. In the last ten minutes alone, I had made a promise to myself several times.

The spell was broken when she nodded, and silently took the glass from my hand. Our fingers touched on the cold glass. A violent jolt went through my body so that I almost dropped the glass, and a comforting warmth spread from where we touched.

Fortunately, Michiru was so exhausted and in pain that she hadn't noticed anything.

To clear my head again, I wordlessly went in search of her bedroom and, after some hesitation, I searched her closets for a nightie. The fine, silky fabric of the elegant, skimpy nightgown between my fingers was overly aware to me on the way back to the living room, as was the thought that Michira's skin felt much softer than the garment in my hand.

Wonderful. Such thoughts really helped me to get myself a little bit under control again in order to master this whole, somehow surreal situation.

She was sitting as still as I had left her, her eyes now cloudy with tiredness. I quickly knelt in front of her, and helped her take off her shoes after I handed her the nightgown. She took it without saying a word and slid it on with sluggish movements while it took all of my willpower to I keep my eyes averted the whole time. In addition to shame, I was also annoyed. I should have brought her some old t-shirt – if she even owned anything like that – instead of such chic nightwear that would inevitably be stained with blood. I briefly considered running down to the car and getting her my spare shirt, but then I didn't. There were more important things than a piece of cloth.

I gently pulled her to her feet, and unbuttoned her skirt which I gently pushed over her hips so that it fluttered to the floor. Then I led her towards her bedroom.

“It's okay,” she murmured stubbornly, half-heartedly trying to push me away to be able to walk on her own, but she immediately swayed on shaky legs.

Had the situation not been so sad, I would have laughed at her stubbornness which was in no way inferior to mine. Instead, I just shook my head and carefully lifted her onto my arms. She made a startled sound, but surprisingly did not continue to protest which I would have ignored anyway.

In the bedroom, I put her on her bed and tucked her in. I looked into her eyes as her fingers closed weakly around my wrist.

“Thank you,” she murmured before her eyes closed.

“You're welcome,” I replied softly, but she hadn't heard that anymore.

Michiru woke up a little disoriented. At first, she didn't know where she was or how she got here, and a few uncertain moments passed before she realized she was in her own bed. And that Haruka must have taken her there. Then she remembered that Haruka had given her pain medication that made her sleepy.

Carefully, she turned a little to see the screen of her alarm clock. It had been less than two hours since Haruka had treated her.

A slight movement from the corner of her eye made her gaze scurry in that direction. Her eyes widened in surprise. Instead of leaving, Haruka had stayed here. She had changed though. The red, uncomfortable racing suit had disappeared and instead, she was wearing jeans and a T-shirt. Like that, she was curled up in the comfortable armchair in the corner of the room and was also asleep.

Unable to think at the moment how she should feel about this touching gesture, she decided to just look at Haruka. Although she had been staring at pictures of her for hours like a twelve-year-old girl in love, she had never been given the opportunity to take a really close look at this breathtakingly beautiful woman since Haruka had only met her with cold rejection during their few encounters.

With a sigh, she let herself sink back into the pillows without looking away from Haruka. Oh, how she longed to run her fingers through her short blonde hair and caress Haruka's cheek, run her fingers over her high cheekbones, and over her full lips... Michira's longing gaze wandered down Haruka's body. She knew the strength that lay under the clothes in the slim, athletic body, and she longed to be embraced by that strength. To be caressed by these beautiful, delicate hands...

She noticed how she became sleepy again during her longing day-dreaming and she did not fight it, happy and also reassured that Haruka was here and watching over her. She was asleep again within a few minutes.

When Michiru woke up again, it was already getting dark outside. She sat up gently, but her pain had subsided to a dull throb in her arm and back. She immediately looked at the armchair, and was disappointed to find that Haruka was gone. She tried not to be sad about it, after all, Haruka had done more for her today than she should as they were practically strangers to each other. But the sting that pierced her heart was hard to ignore.

Then she heard the music. Surprised, she got up with the utmost caution, still worried about losing her balance again, put on her silk dressing gown, and slowly walked towards the living room. There, her breath caught when she spied Haruka sitting in front of her piano, playing. She had her back turned on her, and had not noticed her yet, so Michiru could listen to her for a few minutes. Haruka's play was really play beautiful, and she longed to be able to play with her just once.

Finally she took a few steps closer, and stopped behind Haruka. The latter seemed to sense her presence because she stopped playing, and turned to Michiru. Surprisingly, she smiled at her. The first smile directed at her that Michiru could remember.

“This is a very good grand piano, Haruka remarked into the silence after staring silently for a few seconds.

Michiru nodded. “The previous owner of the flat didn't want it anymore. I kept it because it's more practical to compose than the violin.”

Haruka also nodded and stroked the keys gently, making Michiru wish Haruka's fingers would touch her with the same tenderness. “So you play, too?”

She was startled and looked away from Haruka's elegant hands. “A little. At least not as good as you.”

Reluctantly, she sat on the piano stool next to Haruka, pulling her silk dressing gown tighter around her shoulders. It was only now that she realized that Haruka had helped her change earlier. She felt her face go red at the thought that the other woman had seen her half-naked (and to her annoyance, Michiru immediately wondered what Haruka might think of her body, whether she liked it or...), and that even now she was wearing little more than a negligee and a thin, rather short dressing gown.

She shoved this thought aside. _Don't be such a prude, Michiru!_ she chastised herself, irritated.

“Would... would you play something else for me?” she asked shyly instead, and she was surprised by her shyness. She'd never been shy before.

But Haruka just nodded with a winning smile, and turned back to the keys.

For a few moments, Michiru closed her eyes, and just listened to Haruka's play. She felt Haruka's body heat close to her, and breathed in her smell. Michiru opened her eyes again, and was fascinated to see the play of Haruka's upper arm muscles under the silky smooth, slightly tanned skin while her slim fingers flew over the keys. Michiru felt herself become hot, and she looked away to just listen again.

I had to suppress a shiver when I felt her so close to me, her warmth, her smell, and I had to pull myself together not to scramble away.

As the song neared its end, I desperately tried to extend it by a few improvisations to never let this moment which seemed detached from space and time end, but I only managed it for a few bars. The presence of the beautiful young woman next to me simply prevented me from concentrating on anything productive. I let my fingers come to rest on the keys, my eyes still on them. I heard Michiru breathing next to me, but otherwise, there was silence in the room. At some point, I couldn't stand it anymore, I had to look at her. When I looked up, her eyes lifted, and we looked into each other's eyes. At that moment, our enemies could have marched through the living room, we would not have noticed anything. And finally, I gave in to the urge, and slowly leaned forward. Michiru did the same, but a few inches before our lips could touch, she suddenly flinched, and lowered her eyes in shame.

“We can't,” she murmured softly. “The most important thing is our mission. We shouldn't be distracted by something like that.”

Disappointed, I looked away from her. “Oh,” I said, undecided what I should have said otherwise.

“I know what I said,” she tried to explain, but then stopped. She breathed in and out deeply. “Nothing makes me happier than having you at my side now, but we still can't be more than friends.”

I nodded slowly. On the one hand, she was right that we would become too distracted from our mission, but on the other hand, I was angry that this stupid mission should prevent me from having a happy private life. But since I sensed how dutiful Michiru was, I decided not to speak my thoughts out loud. I would get used to it.

“All right,” I softly replied, but with a firm voice. I smiled at her encouragingly and cheekily to show her that it didn't bother me to just be friends with her although both of us had felt this attraction between us all too clearly, still felt it, in fact. 

She returned my nod solemnly, and then rose from the piano stool. 

After we had dinner together, and had a first briefing, we went our separate ways for now. However, the next day we met again to plan ahead, and start looking for the talismans she had told me about, and by then, Michira's wounds had healed completely. She was right, Sailor warriors healed really quickly. I was glad to see her healthy again, but on the other hand, it gave me a queasy feeling, and I wasn't really keen to experience my improved healing powers first hand too quickly.

And then I faced my first demon – apart from the one on the racetrack. I was terrified this time, too, but like the first time, I was by no means stiff with fear. If this was to be my life from then on, I didn't see any reason to let these things scare me. I would not allow the memory of it to follow me home, to my dreams, and to accompany me with every step so that I was even afraid of my own shadow. If I had to do this, it would be as uncompromising and fearless as only my own stubbornness made possible. Otherwise, I would not have been particularly suitable as a Sailor warrior. Who needed a Sailor warrior who just moaned and complained?

It quickly became apparrent what a good team we were. After only a few joint operations, we acted as if we hadn't done anything else all our lives. Somehow, we understood each other instinctively, words were often completely unnecessary.

And yet... although it couldn't have gone any better, every minute I spent with Michiru was painful. I yearned for her so much, and I saw the same longing in her eyes when she thought I couldn't see it. But she had made her point clear, and I would respect her wishes. We would complete our missions, whatever the cost.

However, one afternoon, everything changed.

Like too many times lately, we faced a demon. It didn't even have anything to do with our mission, but of course it was our duty to fight it before people were injured.

I honestly still haven't quite understood where all these other demons come from, whether they are relics from a bygone era or intruders from outside our solar system (Michiru, who for some reason had more memories of our previous lives than I did – and man, I was shocked when the first memories of a long-lost kingdom that we had been protecting had set in! –, had explained to me that it was our job to protect the Earth from enemies from other solar systems, and also the impending Silence, our real enemies, did not originate from Earth). So, even if the demons we sometimes had to deal with had nothing to do with our mission, we couldn't just ignore them as we should probably have. The thought that someone might get hurt because of these things was unbearable to me. My first encounter with a demon, in the course of which Michiru had been injured, had made too strong an impression.

So, that day, we faced a demon who had suddenly appeared in a park. We had found out by accident on the radio that it was up to mischief there, and that the police couldn't do anything against it. When we got there, we couldn't tell for certain whether or not some poor sod had been turned into a demon or not.

It was persistent and damn strong. To our horror, we chased it into a pedestrian zone.

And then it happened.

The monster, moving among the screaming crowd and snapping at them wildly with sharp teeth, suddenly pounced on a man who was desperately trying to protect a little girl.

For a terrible moment, I was paralysed, the screams of fear and pain from both of them reached my ears as if from afar, and I was unable to wrench myself from my petrified state. Only Neptune's voice that called my name ripped me back into the here and now.

I blinked and looked at her. It seemed like an eternity, but it could only have been seconds.

We stared into each other's eyes before we turned to the demon in determination.

With our combined strength, we finally managed to kill the beast. Before I could hurry to the man and girl, both of whom were lying on the ground, sirens howled in close proximity, and an ambulance as well as a few police cars flew around the corner. Relieved that the two would be helped quickly, I followed Neptune down a side street and onto a roof. From there, we watched the two victims being loaded into the ambulance and the ambulance speeding off.

For the police, on the other hand, there wasn't much more to do than calm the frightened people because our attacks had pulverised the monster.

I jumped involuntarily when Neptune put her hand on my arm, and I could feel her body close to mine.

I felt her worried look on me, but I didn't look at her but continued to stare down onto the street.

“Are you all right?” she asked quietly.

I nodded brusquely after a few seconds, and turned away from the scene.

“Of course,” I replied, and I was startled by how indifferent my voice sounded. “Nothing happened after all, and we defeated the monster. I'll see you tomorrow, okay.”

Without waiting for her answer, I fled. From her, from this place, from my new existence.

After transforming back, I walked around the area for hours. I really wanted my motorcycle right now to be able to feel the wind rushing around me, but I didn't have the nerve to get it at the moment.

So I kept running.

It was already getting dark when I returned to my flat.

For endless long minutes, I stood in the middle of my living room, and stared into the dark. My breath gradually calmed down, and the adrenaline racing through my body slowly ebbed away. Only then did I notice that my T-shirt was completely drenched in sweat and stuck to my body uncomfortably and coldly.

I shivered violently and pulled it over my head. I felt constricted and couldn't bear the fabric on my skin for a second longer. It landed on the floor carelessly.

On the way to the shower, I just threw the rest of my things away, and left them where they ended up.

The hot water felt good, and I felt a little better. Now that I had rinsed off the events of the past few hours, I felt a little more like a human being again.

But although I felt better, it was a deceptive feeling. It was still there, that feeling of terror, self-doubt, and desperate helplessness. It lurked just below the surface, and it wouldn't take much to come clawing its way back up again.

I restlessly climbed out of the shower, and, without drying myself off properly, I put on fresh clothes.

Less than five minutes later, I had fled my flat, and was sitting on my motorcycle.

I think I only really realised what my goal was when I was standing in front of Michiri's flat door.

I met her surprised look when she opened the door.

“Haruka,” she breathed in surprise. “Is... is everything okay?”

For a moment, I stood at her door completely undecided, and gnawed on my lower lip. I avoided her eyes.

Then, I shook my head.

“No,” I choked out in greeting. “Nothing is okay.”

Without another word, she pulled me into her flat and, as soon as the door had closed behind me, she hugged me.

It was such a relief that I still cannot put it into words.

We just stood there for a long, long time, holding tight, my arms wrapped firmly around her, and my face buried in her hair. Her smell enveloped me, as did her body heat, and I slowly calmed down again. I felt like the numb feeling that had held my body in shock for hours was just flowing out of me now. Warmth returned to my body and for the first time, I could breathe freely again.

Finally, I let go of her with relief, and met her encouraging smile. Nonetheless, I felt a little light-headed and gradually, I felt the fatigue creep into every single bone of my body. I looked down in surprise when her warm hand suddenly grabbed mine. I looked up again into her face, and she was still smiling at me, warm and understanding.

“Come on,” she said, gently pulling me away from the front door. She led me through her dark flat into the bedroom. I allowed her to help me take off my clothes and let her press myself down on the bed gently. I didn’t miss the fact that we had been in such a situation before, then, it had been me though who had cared her.

Relieved, I sank into the pillows, and couldn't suppress a soft sigh as Michiru pressed tightly against my back, and wrapped her arms around me. I clung to her hands lying on my stomach and closed my eyes.

Before I knew it, I fell asleep in her arms.

I have stayed with her since that day. I left my flat and even my old life behind me, and moved in with Michiru, and in unspoken agreement, we held each other in her bed night after night. We didn't even have to talk about all that. We both knew instinctively that if we wanted to get through this mission in one piece, we needed to be close to each other. Sharing a bed didn't make it easier to suppress our feelings for each other. More than that, it was simple agony, but the horror of our mission and the need for comfort and understanding were greater. I just had to see it like her. Had to tell me that anything more between us was just a distraction and that we as Sailor warriors were no longer private individuals who could do what they wanted. I was aware that things would not go well in the long run, but as long as Michiru stuck to this attitude, I had no choice but to fool myself to make our time together easier.

I was encouraged by the rightness of our actions – she probably much more so than I was – every time one of us had a close call. I told myself that if the thought of losing her as a friend was unbearable, what would it be like if I lost her as my lover? Today, I know it was nonsense to think like that because we were lost to each other the moment when we first met. Even if we both didn't want to admit it, it was love at first sight. More than love. And denying it all didn't change anything.

But, although Michiru was the driving force behind our remaining just friends, she sometimes made it difficult for us to stick to it, albeit unintentionally.

For example, one day, while having a cup of coffee together, she took up the question again she had asked me when we first met.

“Would you? I mean, act as a model for me.”

She looked up at me shyly. There was discomfort and fear in her eyes that I could reject her again which pierced right through my heart. I could never hurt her. Not any longer longer. I smiled encouragingly at her. “If you want.”

A gentle hint of a blush covered her face with happiness. She looked so beautiful. So beautiful that I deeply regretted treating her so rudely at the time. Because if I had known that just fulfilling this little request had the power to put such a smile on her face, I probably wouldn't have said no.

I wanted to kiss her here and now.

Once again...

“I'm sorry I was so dismissive of you then,” I continued.

“You were afraid of your visions and of me because I featured in them. That is only understandable.”

“Nevertheless. I shouldn't have been so rude.”

“Then you can make it up to me now.” Michiru smiled at me. “I promise you will not regret it. You are made to act as a model.”

I felt that it was I who blushed now. To be honest, I never thought of myself that way. Of course I knew what I looked like, and what impact I had on others, but I had never met anyone who thought I was so perfect. Somehow, it made me incredibly embarrassed and... humble, as silly as that sounded. The fact that such a perfect, unearthly beautiful being like Michiru seemed to value me so much gave me the urge to do justice to her since I could never really be worthy of her.

I only heard her next words as if through a thick fog.

“What?” I blinked at her in shock. Did I heart right? I admit I hadn't listened to her for one hundred percet because I was too busy drowning in her turquoise eyes.

“I said I want to draw you in the nude,” she repeated, and her voice sounded outrageously firm and secure at the request while she put her coffee mug back on the table with a steady hand. Not even her cheeks were flushed. Was she so professional, didn't she care about me anymore, that it left her cold or did she do this kind of thing often? The first thought made me sad, but the latter made me feel gnawing jealousy which was as irrational as it was probably unfounded.

I on the other hand almost choked on my own breath when, after jealousy faded and my thoughts were no longer foggy, I now fully processed her request. I stared at her speechlessly with wide eyes. My throat suddenly felt tight, but I couldn't think of anything to reply anyway.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but no words came out. So, I continued to stare at her, baffled.

Now a little unsettled, she avoided my gaze, and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear in a nervous gesture. “Of course you don't have to,” she quickly assured. “I only thought...”

I took a deep breath, and continued to stare at her. But then, I suddenly pulled myself together, and ignored the reproachful voice in the back of my head that tried to tell me that this would only make things worse. Posing naked in front of her wouldn't necessarily help keep our emotions in check, after all, so I honestly wondered why she'd suggested it in the first place. Maybe it was an artist thing. Perhaps artists could separate private feelings from art even when someone stood naked in front of them. What kept these gnawing, uncertain doubts in check was my own stubbornness once again. I always had a very comfortable relationship with my body which is why it annoyed me now that I was suddenly so uptight. Besides, I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of her and look like a prude old maiden.

Therefore, I got up from the living room table resolutely, and marched into her studio at the end of the hall. I heard her quiet footsteps behind me as she followed me. I briskly fiddled with the button of my jeans and slipped them, along with my underwear, over my hips to dispose of them on the chair in the corner without any further ado. Michiru smiled despite everything, and immediately started to fold my things. But before I could mess with my shirt, her hands, which gently closed around mine, stopped me. I looked down at her questioningly, but she kept her eyes focused on the top buttons of my shirt as she slowly began to unbutton it.

I swallowed when she finally pushed the shirt off my shoulders. Somehow, she once more appeared as if she didn't mind the whole thing. As a professional artist, she regarded me only as her subject, and that made me even more embarrassed, even a little annoyed. Because, though she was looking at me like that at the moment, what her hands were doing was a far cry from professional. I could not imagine that it was the artist's job to take off his study object's clothes.

She probably just had a really good grip on her emotions, and who knew what she was like inside which even I sometimes was not privy to. Well, it wasn't her who was supposed to pose naked here, so she had more reason than me to be calmer, hadn't she.

I shivered as her hands ran down my arms as she freed me from the cloth.

What the hell were we doing here?! It was such a stupid idea, and no matter what she said, I was sure that we would both regret it afterwards.

If she was aware of that, she didn't show it (the thought that she might not have felt anything, and actually only saw a study object in me at that moment was not a nice feeling). Her face was a mask of neutral professionalism when she finally took off my shirt completely, and folded it properly to put it on the chair in the corner as well before going to her easel. Leaving me completely naked in the middle of the room.

Angry and damn embarrassed, I walked over to the couch.

“Put your left arm behind your head,” her calm voice instructed me, and no matter how agitated and angry I was, once again, I forgot everything around me at the sound of her voice. So, I followed her instructions, and complied with any other corrections to my position on the couch as well.

Eventually, she smiled, satisfied. “Good. And now keep still. Just relax.” 

Relax. Ha! She was one to talk.

But the more time passed, the calmer I became, though each of her scrutinizing looks that analyzed my body closely seemed like flames were licking over my skin.

I don't know how long we spent in this surreal constellation, but eventually, I found the situation less embarrassing. But when she suddenly stopped the movements of her pencil, and raised her gaze to regard me with an intense look – even more intense, that is –, and finally met my own gaze, I became nervous again.

“Is something wrong?” I asked hesitantly.

But Michiru just shook her head, put her pencil aside, got up, and came over to me. Surprisingly, she sat down next to me. I felt my heart start to beat faster when I felt her so close to me. At such a short distance, I could see the fine blush that lay on her cheeks, and how quickly her chest rose and fell in nervous breaths. And suddenly, she leaned forward and kissed me. At first, the press of our lips was innocent, but then, I leaned forward, and pressed my lips more tightly to hers. A surprised little gasp escaped her which I took advantage of to deepen our kiss. However, I clearly felt how inexperienced was which is why I held back. Even if it was incredibly difficult, as I had to admit.

Although this kiss wasn't exactly in the top ten of hottest kisses in history, it wasn't any less intense. And as far as a first kiss was concerned, this one was just perfect. A little whimper escaped her which now enticed me to do a little exploring.

But then I froze when one of her hands suddenly slid hesitantly between my legs, and she pulled back from our kiss by a few centimetres. She looked deep into my eyes as if hoping to find something there. I sucked air into my lungs sharply, and trembled as her fingers moved higher, and finally, she touched me gently. A tremor ran through my entire body, and all sensations seemed to focus only on that one spot where she touched me. The movements of her fingers were unsure and clumsy, and, in her insecurity, they lacked their usual self-assured grace. Still, the arousal she gave me was no less intense. As she increased the insistent pressure of her caresses, she leaned forward again to kiss me.

I felt my climax approach, every muscle in my body stiffened. My redeeming cry was choked by her mouth on mine. I sank back into the sofa cushions, shaky and exhausted. I looked up at her curiously, overwhelmed, but also full of discomfort. She avoided my eyes, her breath was as labourious as mine although I hadn't even touched her. Her warm fingers rested still motionlessly between my legs.

But suddenly, a jolt went through her. Michiru jumped up, and with a breathless, murmured “Forgive me”, she escaped from the room.

I was left alone on the sofa in the studio, and suddenly felt like I had been dumped with cold water. Where I had felt wanted and happy just a few minutes ago, I now felt... well, I wasn't entirely sure... Unhappy was one of the emotions I felt. Angry and desperate some of the others.

Michiru did not come to bed that night. The next morning, I found her on the deck chair in the pool room where she must have fallen asleep from exhaustion after undoubtedly spending hours in the water.

The next night, it was me who avoided our bed, and instead drove on my motorcycle almost all night just to finally end up on the beach where I longingly watched the sunrise over the ocean. If I couldn't be close to her person, I was instinctively drawn to the place that represented her like no other.

My despair and longing for her didn't want to let me go, but I accepted Michiru's decision. The most important thing now was that the current situation did not affect our mission and partnership.

With time, the oppressive awkwardness that had come up like a wall between us vanished. But nonetheless, it never was like before. The carefreeness and the natural, innocent intimacy between us was gone. 

Until the day our mission led us into an abandoned cathedral.

A dark feeling of foreboding descended over me when I looked up at the monstrous building. I was scared, no denying there, but I wouldn't show my fear, I mustn't. Neither in front of Neptune nor in front of Eudial who probably already watched our every move. 

Neptune's hand, reassuringly taking hold of my own, suddenly brushed aside all fear and insecurities. I simply felt her warmth, even through our gloves. The sound of her gentle voice chased away the worst of my uneasiness. 

Yes, she was right. We would stay together until death. Here, in front of this cathedral, on the day our destinies may be sealed, I realised the irrevocable truth. That we would indeed stay together, no matter if in life or in death. None of us didn't want nor could be without each other anymore. I didn't regret anything save for the fact that we denied our feelings for such a long time. Should we die today, I regretted not to have kissed her a last time. 

But the touch of our hands had to be enough. 

Neptune let my hand slide from her grasp. 

Determined, we pushed open the portal.

On our way back home, we didn't speak even one word with each other. A couple of times, I had tried to say something, but there seemed no word fitting enough to express what I felt right now. 

Although relief that we were both alive flowed through my whole being, I still couldn't get the terrible images out of my mind of how Michiru had fallen right before my eyes. I feared that I would have nightmares about this for a very long time.

A careful sideways glance at her during which my eyes met hers told me everything I needed to know. I could see in them that, in the future, she would have the same nightmares as me. She hadn't seen me die, but she knew me, knew how uncompromising I was that I would finish our mission regardless of any casualties. And she knew that I would not break our promise.

A shiver ran through my otherwise strangely numb body. I realised that I was probably in shock, but that could not spoil the relief and happiness I felt of seeing Michiru well.

It was already dark when I put the key in the lock of our flat door. The noise in the otherwise quiet, deserted hall was terrifyingly loud.

I let the keys clatter on the dresser, and the door closed behind us.

Michiru turned to me; I couldn't see her face in the dim light falling through the living room window. She wanted to say something, but I didn't give her the opportunity but suddenly covered her mouth with mine. I could imagine what she wanted to say – the same thing that went through my head.

Surprised for just one moment, she urged me backwards until I collided with the front door without even letting go of each other for one single second. He body was warm in my arms and oh so alive. I burned to touch every centimetre of her to make sure that she really was all right. 

“Bed,” she breathlessly gasped against my lips when we pulled back from each other for just a few millimetres. Frantically, I nodded, and once more kissed her fiercely before we started to move in a stumble. 

A trail of hurriedly torn off clothes marked our way into the bedroom. Arriving there, we tumbled onto the bed in a tangle of naked limbs. 

It was like a dream. My head was addled by all these sensations assailing me. I was suffused with her, and yet, it was not enough, would never be enough.

I looked down at her as she lay in my arms, her beguiling, perfect body poured over with the moonlight falling through the window. A stitch ran through me as I remembered how unbearable it would have been to lose her today. Judging from the pleading look filled with inifite love with which she stared up at me, she felt the same way.

I smiled at her lovingly while I felt our love throb through my body almost as if it was something tangible. I had been so wrong. We both were. To accept our love didn't make us weaker. It made us stronger.

Intoxicated by the feeling of being loved by Michiru without the need for words to express it, I leaned down to kiss her. She shivered in my arms, and suddenly, her touch was a little uncertain and hesitant. Because, although it was she who had practically seduced me in the studio back then, I was the more experienced one even if I had been afraid of having a serious relationship so far because I was too busy trying to run away.

I broke away from her, and looked at her for a long moment as she lay below me breathlessly, a distinct hint of a shy blush on her bare white skin that made her look even more alive.

I gave her a reassuring smile and stroked her cheek.

“I love you,” I whispered, and immediately, a radiant, joyous smile brightened her whole face.

“I love you, too,” she breathed when she wrapped her arms around my neck to pull me down.

The next morning, I woke up relatively late by my standards. But that was no wonder after all after all the horrible but at the same time wonderful things that had happened yesterday.

The here and now would have been much better though if I hadn't been alone in bed. Irritated, I sat up, and listened, but everything was silent in the flat. A little grumpy, I climbed from the bed, and slipped on my morning robe to go looking for Michiru.

I finally found her – not in the living room or the kitchen having breakfast but in her atelier. She looked up when she heard me enter, and threw me a beaming smile that let my grumpiness evaporate in a second. Then, she turned to the painting again she worked on diligently. Curious, I stepped nearer, and stopped behind her. Surprised, I blinked, and I had to swallow. On the canvass before me, my naked body was spread out in glistening paint. It was the picture she had started of me but never finished. Since that day, it had been abandoned in a corner of the atelier, covered with a sheet of fabric; a memorial for everything that couldn't be between us...

Until now. 

Somehow overwhelmed with emotion, I carefully placed my hand onto her shoulder, and squeezed it gently.

In answer, she leaned back against me while her graceful hand skilfully let the brush dance over the canvas, seemingly making the painting come alive.

** End **


End file.
